I Want a Dog!!

I want a dog!

But, considering I still live in the household of the, oh, so fabulous Bob and Wanda Cook (they really are!), it’s not gonna happen any time soon, or ever really. They’re just not the pet kind of people.

I will say this in their defense though…we had a couple of pets when I was a little kid. My first pet was a little Collie we had...Love. She was actually in the family for a long time, but only for a short period during my lifetime. She was precious! I can remember as a little kid putting out her food and water in those aluminum pie pans…good memories :). Unfortunately, when I was about five, we had to put Love to sleep because she was so old... God rest her soul.

Then...let’s see, I guess I was about nine when my dad totally blew us all away and brought us home a puppy!! He was SOOOOO CUTE. My grandfather somehow, for some reason I can’t remember, had about five little puppies – part Chow, part German shepherd. Our dog was the cutest of them all and looked more like a German shepherd. He was so freakin’ cute!! He was MY dog. I took care of the little fella. We were best friends :).

Smoky’s story ends a little more tragically than Love’s. That year, we were celebrating Christmas early because my brother and sister-in-law were moving to Texas, so our whole family was over at the house for our traditional Christmas breakfast feast. We were in need of some milk, so Mom sent Dad out on a grocery run. Smoky, still being a puppy and all, liked to play under our cars. You can put the rest of the story together :(. It was extremely traumatic!! I still remember running into my parents room and hiding in the corner, balling my eyes out in my Tweety night gown.

Ever since then, pets have seemingly been out of the question for my parents.

But I, on the other hand, want a dog...and real bad! Particularly a lab. Chocolate, I think. I want a little guy to keep me company and be my best friend :). It would be so awesome!! I would never have to worry about wanting someone to go running with or bake cookies with or go for a drive with…he would be my constant companion.

Sometimes though, you have to learn to accept the harsh reality of your circumstances ;). Haha. So for now, I guess my dog will go on my list of things I want in life…right above a husband, haha :).

Let the Rain

I wish I were pretty

I wish I were brave

If I owned this city

Then I'd make it behave

I wish I were fearless

Then I'd speak my truth

And the world would hear this

That's what I would do, yeah

If my hands could hold them you'd see

I'd take all these secrets in me

And I'd move and mold them to be

Something I'd set free

I want to darken in the skies

Open the floodgates up

I want to change my mind

I want to be enough

I want the water in my eyes

I want to cry until the end of time

I want to let the rain come down

Make a brand new ground

Let the rain come down

Let the rain come down

Make a brand new ground

Let the rain come down tonight

I hold on to worry so tight

It's safe in here right next to my heart

Who now shouts at the top of her voice

Let me go, let me out, this is not my choice

And I've always felt it before

That the world was filled with much more

Than the drowning soul I've learned to be

I just need the rain to remind me

I want to darken in the skies
Open the floodgates up
I want to change my mind
I want to be enough
I want the water in my eyes
I want to cry until the end of time

I want to let the rain come down
Make a brand new ground
Let the rain come down
Let the rain come down
Make a brand new ground
Let the rain come down tonight

Sara Bareilles, Let the Rain

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Let’s see…I’ve had Sara Bareilles’ newest CD, Kaleidoscope, for less than a week now, and I have been listening to it pretty much nonstop…and that’s really no exaggeration. Full of completely awesome songs, "Let the Rain" is most definitely one of my favorites. I mean, I just checked my iTunes, and I’ve listened to it 28 times. I mean, really?? Haha...and that doesn’t even count all the times I’ve listened to it driving!!

I guess it’s safe to say that it speaks to my soul.

Sometimes we go through periods in our life where we feel as if a dark cloud is hanging over us, and we can’t get out from under it. You know, you’ve seen it on TV… someone’s walking along and the rain cloud continues to follow only them. They try and move out from under it but it seems to just continually hover.

I’ve been there…a lot. Maybe you’ve been there. Maybe you are there.

Whether it be a cloud of past mistakes or regrets, of present struggles and strife, or of fear and uncertainty about the future…whatever it is, it can be dark, heavy, and ugly.

But you know what? I don’t want to just hope it goes away. I don’t want to hide under the umbrella really anymore. No. Go ahead and rain down on me. Pour. Monsoon. It’s only rain. It can’t last forever.

And after it’s over, the skies will clear, the sun will come out, and new growth will appear. I will be better and stronger for it, and I will move forward on “brand new ground”.

I Am Bethlehem

1 “Now after Jesus was born in Bethlehem of Judea in the days of Herod the king, behold, wise men from the east came to Jerusalem, 2 saying, “Where is he who has been born king of the Jews? For we saw his star when it rose and have come to worship him.”… 5 They told him, “In Bethlehem of Judea, for so it is written by the prophet: 6 “‘And you, O Bethlehem, in the land of Judah, are by no means least among the rulers of Judah; for from you shall come a ruler who will shepherd my people Israel.’”

Matthew 2:1-2, 5-6

The wisemen went first to Jerusalem to find Jesus. After all, Jerusalem was the capitol. It was the “big city” in Israel. If anything was going down in Israel back then, it was probably going down in Jerusalem. Upon arrival, though, the wisemen found out that Jesus, in fact, was in Bethlehem - a small, rural outskirt.

It was in that little town called Bethlehem, with no room in the inn, Joseph and Mary had taken cover in a stable. Surrounded by animals, Mary had given birth to the Son of God and placed Him in a manger.

Clearly, Jesus’ arrival into the world had been anything but glamorous.

But glamour wasn’t His goal…He just wanted a place to start. There wasn’t anything necessarily special about Bethlehem…it was just a place. Christ just needed a place to arrive into the world.
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­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­As Pastor Mike Glenn talked about tonight at Kairos, so often, we look for significant change and work in our lives to occur at a “special place”…literally and/or figuratively. In the literal sense, we may have encountered God in a unique way, maybe, at a retreat or a camp. When we return to the real world and find ourselves defaulting to our old habits, we think, “If I could just go back to __________… maybe then I could recreate the experience I had and, again, have that passion and desire for Christ.”

Figuratively speaking, we tend to tell ourselves, “If I could just fix this issue I have, and stop doing this all the time, and maybe start doing this…then…then I can come back to Christ. Then I will be in a place where I can actually get serious about my relationship with Him.”

The truth is, though, it has nothing to do with where we are, literally or figuratively. It has everything to do with God. It has to do with us opening ourselves up -heart and mind- accepting Him, and allowing God to do a work in us.

He just needs a place to start. He doesn’t care where we are or what our lives look like. He just wants to come.

We are Bethlehem. We are the stable out back, filled with animals. We are the manger. We are nothing special. But God isn’t concerned; He just needs a place to start.

Are You My Aunt?

I think one of my favorite things about my life is being an aunt…true story :).

You see, my parents pretty much had two sets of children; so two of my brothers are much older than me and have super cool wives and kiddos!! It’s AWESOME!!

So, ever since I was 12 I’ve also been known by “Sha”. Noah, the oldest of my nieces and nephews, decided on that name simply because he couldn’t say my whole name. Smart kid, that fella.

It’s HILARIOUS to me, though, that for forever my oldest brother’s, Kevin’s, kids didn’t realize that I was their aunt. I guess because I was young, they got all confused. When they were real young, they just thought I was their sister! Eventually, we had a conversation with them about how I was their aunt. But they told me I couldn’t be…I wasn’t married. HAHAHA!!

The reality is, that is EXACTLY what makes my heart so happy! I love that they just kinda see me as a big kid, HAHA! I love it when they want me to come and stay with them, play games, and just hang out. They get so excited…and so do :)!!

I just hope and pray that as they grow up, we never lose that closeness and bond that we have. I, selfishly, always want them to see me as the “cool aunt” who they can trust and turn to no matter what they need.

Who knows? Maybe one day I’ll make it official by getting married and throw a cool uncle into the mix.

The Patience to Persevere

Went for a run today. About 5 ½ miles. I would like to say that’s a shorter run for me, but considering I’m just now starting back up, I have to be honest in saying it’s one of my “longer” runs.

Cold? Check. Wind? Definitely. Rain? Entire time.

Surprisingly, though, it was quite a success. One, because I started and finished, without stopping (ah, except to tie my shoe). Two, because my iPod is still fully functioning. Three, because I was super stoked with my time. Not to mention, I saw about eight turkeys…heck yes!!!

It is runs like today that I tend to get lost in my thoughts. Today, I found myself every time I started going up a hill or getting tired, saying, “It’s the patience to persevere. The patience to persevere. Patience. Persevere.”

Every day I get a “Daily Kick in the Butt” from Runner’s World. It’s a quote for the day, and back at the beginning of November I got one that said, “Running well is a matter of having the patience to persevere when we are tired and not expecting instant results,” Robert de Castella (a World champion marathon runner).

Few have resonated with me more.

As I’ve often alluded to, I tend to expect and demand perfection from myself. Yeah, well that’s not how it usually ever works out. So I get frustrated. The same thing happens with me and running. If I don’t do as well as I think I should, I get mad at myself. I get burnt out super quick and end up taking extended breaks, haha.

But wait! Running well isn’t necessarily consistently performing at an optimum level; rather, it is the patience to persevere. So today, out in the cold wind and rain I continued to tell myself, “Alysha, it’s the patience to persevere. Don’t stop because you don’t think you’re doing well enough. Just keep moving.”

Now, before I continue, I have to say…I’m not trying to blatantly spiritualize things, and sound a whole lot holier or wiser or whatever. But for real, this is really what went on in my head! So just hang with me.

I've recently started reading John Ortberg’s book, “The Me I Want to Be” (I got to Chapter 8 a few months ago and stopped, so I decided to start over again). In one of the beginning chapters, Ortberg says, “The truth is, a life of freedom and joy is available right now.”

Freedom…right now!!! Doesn’t that sound so awesome!

Uh, yes!! But then I think, “That’s not possible, I’ve tried before.” After processing and writing out my thoughts, I discovered the flaw in my thinking: I have equated freedom with perfection. Freedom is not perfection; it’s closer to the opposite!! Sounds simple; but for me, it’s taken a while and requires constant reminding.

Freedom allows you to process, learn, change, and grow.

Freedom affords the patience to persevere.

What’s true in running is so very true when it comes to us becoming the person God has created us to be: "Following Christ well" is the patience to persevere when we are tired...even hurting, battling, struggling…and not expecting instant results.

3 “Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.”

Romans 5:3-5 (NIV)

I Am More

There's a girl in the corner with tear stains on her eyes
From the places she's wandered and the shame she can't hide
She says, "How did I get here? I'm not who I once was,
and I'm crippled by the fear that I've fallen too far to love."

But don't you know who you are
What has been done for you
Don't you know who you are

You are more than the choices that you've made
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes
You are more than the problems you create
You've been remade

Well she tries to believe it that she's been given new life
But she can't shake the feeling that it’s not true tonight
She knows all the answers and she's rehearsed all the lines
So she'll try to do better but then she's too weak to try

Don't you know who you are

You are more than the choices that you've made
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes
You are more than the problems you create
You've been remade

‘Cause this is not about what you've done
But what's been done for you
This is not about where you've been
But where your brokenness brings you to
This is not about what you feel
But He felt to forgive you
And what He felt to make you new

Who You Are, Tenth Avenue North
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Ah, wow. Last night, after Kairos, I get in my car and turn on my radio just to hear the bridge and the last chorus of this song.

Thank you, Lord. Your timing is impeccable.

I don’t know what it is about me and music, but it’s always running through my head. Lyrics…they speak to me in such profound ways sometimes. This song is another that is in the race for the story of my life. If I had a soundtrack for my life, I think Mike Donehey and Jason Ingram might’ve just secured a spot.

I’m a perfectionist…as of recent enlightenment, a neurotic perfectionist. Generally speaking, that’s not the kind of healthy perfectionism that is sometimes encouraged, or rather accepted. I set standards and expectations of myself that, at times, are unrealistic. What happens when expectations and reality don’t meet – disappointment. I’m seemingly always disappointed in myself for something I did or didn’t do…the freakin’ devil’s playground!!

After a while, it gets old. You get tired.

So you tend to just stop. Stop setting expectations and goals. Stop trying. Stop fighting. Stop believing: reference Verse 2.

But I am more than the choices that I’ve made. I am more than the sum of my past mistakes. I am more than the problems I create. I’ve been remade. Cause it is not about what I’ve done, but what’s been done for me. It is not about where I’ve been, but where my brokenness brings me to. It is not about what I feel but what He felt to forgive me, and what He felt to make me new.

…So thank you Lord for music that speaks Your truth. And thank you for being so interested in the details of my life that You know what I need to hear when I need to hear it most!

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.”
2 Corinthians 5:17 (ESV)

“Be sober-minded, be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.”
1 Peter 5:8 (ESV)

“The thief comes only to steal, kill, and destroy. I come that they may have life and have it abundantly.”
John 10:10 (ESV)

War of My Life

“For we know that the law is spiritual; but I am made out of flesh, sold into sin’s power. For I do not understand what I am doing, because I do not practice what I want to do, but I do what I hate. And if I do what I want to do, I agree with the law that it is good. So now I am no longer the one doing it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my flesh. For the desire to do what is good is with me, but there is no ability to do it. For I do not do the good that I want to do, but I practice the evil that I do not want to do. Now if I do what I do not want, I am no longer the one doing it, but it is the sin that lives in me. So I discover this principle: when I want to do good, evil is with me. For in my inner self I joyfully agree with God’s law. But I see a different law in the parts of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and taking me prisoner to the law of sin in the parts of my body. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, with my mind I myself am a slave to the law of God, but with my flesh, to the law of sin.”

Romans 7:14-25

“For although we are walking in the flesh, we do not wage war in a fleshly way, since the weapons of our warfare are not fleshly, but are powerful through God for the demolition of strongholds. We demolish arguments, and every high-minded thing that is raised up against the knowledge of God, taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.”

2 Corinthians 10:3-5

Come out angels, come out ghosts
Come out darkness, bring everyone you know
I’m not running, I’m not scared
I am waiting and well prepared

I’m in the war of my life, at the door of my life
Out of time and there’s nowhere to run
I’m in the war of my life, at the core of my life
Got no choice to fight till it’s done
So fight on

War of My Life, John Mayer

Believe

To the one whose dreams have fallen all apart
And all you’re left with is a tired and broken heart
I can tell by your eyes you think you’re on your own
But you’re not alone

Have you heard of the One who can calm the raging sea
Give sight to the blind, pull the lame up to their feet
With love so strong, He’ll never let you go
No you’re not alone

You will be safe in His arms
You will be safe in His arms
‘Cause the hands that hold the world
Are holding your heart
This is the promise He made
He will be with you always
When everything is falling apart
You will be safe in His arms

Did you know that the voice that brings the dead to life
Is the very same voice that calls you now to rise
So hear Him now, He’s calling you home
You will never be alone

You will be safe in His arms
You will be safe in His arms
‘Cause the hands that hold the world
Are holding your hear
This is the promise He made
He will be with you always
When everything is falling apart
You will be safe in His arms

These are the hands that built the mountains
The hands that calm the sea
These are the arms that hold the heavens
They are holding you and me
These are hands that healed the leper
Pulled the lame up to their feet
These are the arms that were nailed to a cross
To break our chains and set us free

You will be safe in His arms
You will be safe in His arms
‘Cause the hands that hold the world
Are holding your heart
This is the promise He made
He will be with you always
When everything is falling apart
You will be safe in His arms

Safe, Phil Wickham


…Now it’s a matter of believing. Belief in the sense that it’s evident in your, in my, behavior. How we act speaks to how we really believe.

It’s our choice. It’s up to us whether we choose to acknowledge what God says and regard it as truth, depending on it as our life line and rescue.

So choose to believe…and in the moments of dark hopelessness, cry out, “I do believe! Help my unbelief!” (Mark 9:24)

He Knit Me...He's For Me...He Loves Me!

It's been a little over a year...nice, huh? Yea, well...story of my life. The point is, I've got something to share today, so that's what matters :).

I've started this morning devotional by Shelia Walsh called Good Morning, Lord. It's been really good so far and has allowed me to have something to meditate on as I go throughout my day. Today's focus was, "Today, I will focus on being Your friend." Sounds kinda cheesy doesn’t it? I mean, I'm not gonna lie...when I first saw the title I thought, "I might just skip over this one." Haha. But I didn't, and I'm so glad.

Shelia shared about how we can all get caught up in "doing things" for God. Often times we focus so much on the fact we are "doing" that we lose sight of why we are "doing".

So…why? Well, we "do" because we want to give back to our God. It is out of our love and appreciation for Him that we seek to serve Him with our lives...ministry is out of the overflow.

To have overflow, there must be a foundation. That foundation is our friendship, our relationship with Christ. As Shelia put it, "Christian service is a poor substitute for knowing Jesus." He doesn't just want our stuff that we "do" for Him. No! He wants our love, affection, and attention...He wants ALL of us.

Psalm 139 is a very familiar and often quoted psalm. Truth is, I've read it a thousand times, and I "know" it in my head, but rarely do I find evidence that I believe it with my heart.

13 For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother's womb.

14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.

15 My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.

16 Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them.

The question was posed, “What does Psalm 139 reveal about God’s intimate love for you?” An old truth hit me in a new way…God is “for me”. He’s been “for me” before me! “…you knit me together in my mother’s womb.” Okay, I don’t knit, but when I think of knitting I think of concentrated time and effort. Intentionality. Focus. Purpose. And joy (who knits if they don’t enjoy it?!!)

If God knit me, He must be for me!! He wanted to make me. He knew what He wanted, and He set out to do it. He’s loved me before I was me.

Oh God, that is a wonderfully encouraging and liberating truth!!!! Thank you for being “for me”. Forgive me when my mind is clouded by the lies that tell me You love me for what I “do” for You, or when I’m trapped by the thinking that You can’t love me because I don’t “do”. It’s my stubbornness, pride, and unbelief that chooses not to take You at Your Word. Forgive me, and give me the grace to change…the grace to just “be your friend”.