I Am More

There's a girl in the corner with tear stains on her eyes
From the places she's wandered and the shame she can't hide
She says, "How did I get here? I'm not who I once was,
and I'm crippled by the fear that I've fallen too far to love."

But don't you know who you are
What has been done for you
Don't you know who you are

You are more than the choices that you've made
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes
You are more than the problems you create
You've been remade

Well she tries to believe it that she's been given new life
But she can't shake the feeling that it’s not true tonight
She knows all the answers and she's rehearsed all the lines
So she'll try to do better but then she's too weak to try

Don't you know who you are

You are more than the choices that you've made
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes
You are more than the problems you create
You've been remade

‘Cause this is not about what you've done
But what's been done for you
This is not about where you've been
But where your brokenness brings you to
This is not about what you feel
But He felt to forgive you
And what He felt to make you new

Who You Are, Tenth Avenue North
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Ah, wow. Last night, after Kairos, I get in my car and turn on my radio just to hear the bridge and the last chorus of this song.

Thank you, Lord. Your timing is impeccable.

I don’t know what it is about me and music, but it’s always running through my head. Lyrics…they speak to me in such profound ways sometimes. This song is another that is in the race for the story of my life. If I had a soundtrack for my life, I think Mike Donehey and Jason Ingram might’ve just secured a spot.

I’m a perfectionist…as of recent enlightenment, a neurotic perfectionist. Generally speaking, that’s not the kind of healthy perfectionism that is sometimes encouraged, or rather accepted. I set standards and expectations of myself that, at times, are unrealistic. What happens when expectations and reality don’t meet – disappointment. I’m seemingly always disappointed in myself for something I did or didn’t do…the freakin’ devil’s playground!!

After a while, it gets old. You get tired.

So you tend to just stop. Stop setting expectations and goals. Stop trying. Stop fighting. Stop believing: reference Verse 2.

But I am more than the choices that I’ve made. I am more than the sum of my past mistakes. I am more than the problems I create. I’ve been remade. Cause it is not about what I’ve done, but what’s been done for me. It is not about where I’ve been, but where my brokenness brings me to. It is not about what I feel but what He felt to forgive me, and what He felt to make me new.

…So thank you Lord for music that speaks Your truth. And thank you for being so interested in the details of my life that You know what I need to hear when I need to hear it most!

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.”
2 Corinthians 5:17 (ESV)

“Be sober-minded, be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.”
1 Peter 5:8 (ESV)

“The thief comes only to steal, kill, and destroy. I come that they may have life and have it abundantly.”
John 10:10 (ESV)

War of My Life

“For we know that the law is spiritual; but I am made out of flesh, sold into sin’s power. For I do not understand what I am doing, because I do not practice what I want to do, but I do what I hate. And if I do what I want to do, I agree with the law that it is good. So now I am no longer the one doing it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my flesh. For the desire to do what is good is with me, but there is no ability to do it. For I do not do the good that I want to do, but I practice the evil that I do not want to do. Now if I do what I do not want, I am no longer the one doing it, but it is the sin that lives in me. So I discover this principle: when I want to do good, evil is with me. For in my inner self I joyfully agree with God’s law. But I see a different law in the parts of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and taking me prisoner to the law of sin in the parts of my body. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, with my mind I myself am a slave to the law of God, but with my flesh, to the law of sin.”

Romans 7:14-25

“For although we are walking in the flesh, we do not wage war in a fleshly way, since the weapons of our warfare are not fleshly, but are powerful through God for the demolition of strongholds. We demolish arguments, and every high-minded thing that is raised up against the knowledge of God, taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.”

2 Corinthians 10:3-5

Come out angels, come out ghosts
Come out darkness, bring everyone you know
I’m not running, I’m not scared
I am waiting and well prepared

I’m in the war of my life, at the door of my life
Out of time and there’s nowhere to run
I’m in the war of my life, at the core of my life
Got no choice to fight till it’s done
So fight on

War of My Life, John Mayer

Believe

To the one whose dreams have fallen all apart
And all you’re left with is a tired and broken heart
I can tell by your eyes you think you’re on your own
But you’re not alone

Have you heard of the One who can calm the raging sea
Give sight to the blind, pull the lame up to their feet
With love so strong, He’ll never let you go
No you’re not alone

You will be safe in His arms
You will be safe in His arms
‘Cause the hands that hold the world
Are holding your heart
This is the promise He made
He will be with you always
When everything is falling apart
You will be safe in His arms

Did you know that the voice that brings the dead to life
Is the very same voice that calls you now to rise
So hear Him now, He’s calling you home
You will never be alone

You will be safe in His arms
You will be safe in His arms
‘Cause the hands that hold the world
Are holding your hear
This is the promise He made
He will be with you always
When everything is falling apart
You will be safe in His arms

These are the hands that built the mountains
The hands that calm the sea
These are the arms that hold the heavens
They are holding you and me
These are hands that healed the leper
Pulled the lame up to their feet
These are the arms that were nailed to a cross
To break our chains and set us free

You will be safe in His arms
You will be safe in His arms
‘Cause the hands that hold the world
Are holding your heart
This is the promise He made
He will be with you always
When everything is falling apart
You will be safe in His arms

Safe, Phil Wickham


…Now it’s a matter of believing. Belief in the sense that it’s evident in your, in my, behavior. How we act speaks to how we really believe.

It’s our choice. It’s up to us whether we choose to acknowledge what God says and regard it as truth, depending on it as our life line and rescue.

So choose to believe…and in the moments of dark hopelessness, cry out, “I do believe! Help my unbelief!” (Mark 9:24)